Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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