After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
