That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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