He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
