just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
