you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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