What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize