you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
