Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
