So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
