I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Boobs speak an international language.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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