If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
