it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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