I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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