Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
