The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
