a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
