Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
