he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
