Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
