That's intense
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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