We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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