Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
