Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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