you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
