one might say we're banned from that church
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
