Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
