Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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