Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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