A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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