I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
