Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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