I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
