Can i not drive my cunt home
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize