he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
