Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
