We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ugly people sure do ruin things
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
