remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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