Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
