my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
