we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
