I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
