His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
