beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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