Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
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Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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