Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
