if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
