actually, I'm a sock model
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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