I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
