Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
