I faked an abortion last night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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