Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
