just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
