I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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