she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
