using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize