I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
