allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
