omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
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Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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