I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
