i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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