god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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