Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
