Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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