Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
