I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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