she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
