Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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